While sexuality isn’t a topic I cover very often on this podcast, it’s still an important topic for many, especially mamas after childbirth. Or anyone who has pelvic floor dysfunction or nervous system dysregulation (like I did for many years). These topics are part of our health and wellness journey too. With that said, I’d like to introduce you to Kiana Reeves, an educator, practitioner, speaker, and voice in the sexual wellness movement.
For over a decade she’s been studying sex, embodiment, intimacy, birth, and wellness. This led her to Foria where she’s been for over 6 years. She takes a holistic approach that brings together the emotional, biological, social, and spiritual nature of sex and intimacy. Kiana is also a full spectrum doula and a mother of two.
In today’s episode, Kiana shares about her work as a doula and as a Somatic therapist. We also talk about why pleasure is so important in our lives and why it impacts our well-being and relationships beyond just physical pleasure. And we talk about healthy vs unhealthy types of nervous system regulation and different ways to work with our nervous systems. We cover a lot in today’s interview so I hope you’ll join us and listen in!
Episode Highlights With Kiana
- How she is also a doula and how she got into female sexual health
- Her work as a somatic therapist
- The importance of pleasure in our lives and how it impacts well-being and relationships beyond just physical pleasure or sexuality
- How the nervous system is like the window through which we see the world and how this can make it difficult to identify if it’s dysregulated
- Ways to help regulate the nervous system and help the body feel safe
- Healthy vs unhealthy nervous system regulation
- Two ways to work with the nervous system and when to use each
- How sexual pleasure relates to nervous system last
- The connection between sexual and emotional intimacy
- Differences between the two types of desire and what responsive desire is
- Why it can often take the female body 15-40 minutes to reach peak arousal and how this is often different than it is for males
- Some exercises we can do to help reconnect with our body and our sexual experience
- What sexual polarity is and how to nurture it in long term partnerships
- How to nurture dynamic tension in partnership
Resources We Mention
- Foria Products
- Where Should We Begin?: The Arc of Love by Esther Perel
- The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
- Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure by Sheri Winston CNM. RN. BSN. LMT
- Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
More From Wellness Mama
- 287: How to Create and Rekindle Passion & Libido in Relationships With Susan Bratton
- 168: Dr. Maryann Prewitt on A Proactive Approach to Aging & Sexual Health
- 485: Dr. Kanwal Bawa on Overcoming Cancer, Sexual Health and Biohacking
- 615: Dr. Robert Waldinger on the Science of Happiness and What Makes a Good Life
- 642: The Holistic Psychologist on How to Meet Your Self
- Natural Ways to Improve Libido & Sex Drive in Women
- How the Parasympathetic Nervous System Helps Us Lower Stress
Discussion (2 Comments)
I’d like to start by thanking you, Katie, for always picking great topics. I definitely think that this is one that needs to be addressed! And I know that you do not necessarily agree with all that your guests say, so this is just a thought I want to put out there for your listeners.
Kianna’s #1 tip/advice to practice touching yourself sexually is very misleading. It doesn’t fit at all with the idea of our sexual nature being about “connection”. It’s about connection with another, not connection with ourselves. Of course, as she said, it is important to have a healthy love and acceptance of ourselves and our bodies. But the sexual organs are designed for connection with another, aka someone of the opposite sex. Masturbation may keep our body stimulated and “wanting more” as she said, but it actually undercuts us when it comes to doing the act with our sexual partner. If you practice it alone, then it becomes disconnected from what it’s truly meant for. Sexual intercourse is GIVING each other pleasure, not TAKING it. If you constantly take it for yourself, it’s hard to let/wait for someone to give it you freely and thus minimizes the connection with your spouse. For example, what if you are better at stimulating sexual arousal yourself than your spouse? That sets you up for disappointment with your partner.
There’s so much to be said here, but in order to keep it simple, I firmly believe Kianna’s advice does not take a holistic and ordered approach. Her other tips are just fine, but her step #1 will undercut all that is trying to be achieved by creating disconnection between the individual and anyone they choose to have sex with. Like you always say, Katie, there’s an emotional and psychological (and I would say spiritual)impact to everything that we do. Masturbation will disconnect you from your body and your spouse on levels.
I appreciate that Kianna is working towards helping and educating women, but I just think that step one is going to be super harmful, unfortunately 🙁
Rebecca I totally agree with you comment!!