Dear Parents, We Owe it To Our Kids to Stop Picky Eating

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Dear parents- we owe it to our kids to stop this
Wellness Mama » Blog » Motherhood » Dear Parents, We Owe it To Our Kids to Stop Picky Eating

Stop what? Well, lots of things actually: We need to stop buying unhealthy foods, feeding them too much sugar, and not giving them enough time outside to play.

The thing that I’ve noticed in an increasing amount lately that we also really need to stop doing:

Letting our Kids be Picky!

Yes, I said letting.

Yes, I mean letting because we allow them to develop this habit. I’ve been to other countries, I’ve seen kids scarf down olives or snails or even balut (yes, really).

Let’s also not forget, as our parents were so keen to remind us, that there are children in the world who would be grateful for any food at all. I certainly heard about the starving children around the world when I wasn’t happy about eating my dinner. Do our kids hear about them?

In fact, I actually remember saving my birthday money once to donate to Food for the Poor because I actually felt bad about those starving kids.

Was it Guilt?

Probably, but it encouraged me to save money for those in need and to eat my freaking brussels sprouts, so I’m grateful for it.

Parents in my parents’ generation also had a pretty set in stone menu each night at dinner. They served:

  1. What mom cooked
  2. Hunger

We were never forced to eat, but we most certainly didn’t get to choose what we were having for meals. We were *shockingly* expected to eat what was served. My parents didn’t seem to feel much sympathy for my plight of not liking certain foods.

In fact, when I saw this movie in theaters as a kid (yes, I’m that old), this line seemed somewhat familiar:

Most of the time, this included vegetables and wasn’t a food that I loved. But I ate it. And I didn’t complain. And now I’m all grown up and not a picky eater at all.

You Know What Else?

Most of us managed to make it through childhood without starving. We eventually learned to eat foods we didn’t like. We don’t even need therapy for it.

Our parents had better things to do than cajole or encourage us to eat foods we didn’t like. They certainly had better things to do than open a 24/7 restaurant devoted to our whims.

They also didn’t lose sleep over our food preferences.

Have our Kids Gotten Soft?

Let’s think about this. As kids, most of us ate vegetables. And meat, or we didn’t eat that meal. We made it to adulthood, and though I could argue it on a few points, most of us are relatively competent adults.

Yet, everywhere I go in the US, kids are coddled and catered to.

They are asked questions that I certainly never heard and you probably didn’t either.

Questions Like:

“What would you like for dinner?”

“Would you like a snack?”

“Do you want the Dora gummy bears or the Minions ones?”

They are Told Things Like:

“Oh, that’s ok if you don’t like that, we can make something else.”

or:

“You don’t have to eat your meat and vegetables before having dessert… I’ll get it for you now.”

And those aren’t even the worst examples I’ve heard.

In fact, at a recent meal at our house where there were 18+ kids, all of the parents served each of their own kids food. (The food was amazing too- steak, grilled veggies, etc.).

I told the collective group of kids that there was fruit salad after dinner for everyone who ate their veggies.

One kid got upset and started complaining because “But mommy, I want fruit salad right now.”

At which point, he was catered to and given fruit salad by his parents without having to eat other food, in front of all the other kids who did have to eat what was served to them.

Seriously?

This is a small and insignificant example but it violates two social principles that I was taught as a kid:

  1. When you are at someone’s house, you eat what is given and you thank them for it.
  2. Free food is always good food.

Somewhere along the line, we started thinking that our kids get input into what they should eat. We forgot an important point:

Parents are Responsible for the Nutrition of their Children

This is a relatively simple concept but I don’t see many parents who seem to understand it.

Think about this- a toddler (or any age child, really) is not the best judge of what should be eaten. He or she is also not the best judge about when bedtime should be or how often he or she should bathe.

That toddler is probably not even an expert at wiping his own bottom yet, but somehow we think we should give him input into his nutrition.

When studies increasingly show that the foods a child eats in the first few years of life are vitally important for lifetime health, we think we should outsource that decision to a three year old?

Are You Kidding Me?

Would we let our kids decide how often they should go to school? Or change their underwear?

What about deciding how much TV they should watch, or whether or not getting a pet tiger is a good idea?

So why are we letting kids dictate something even more important?

Yes, it Might be “Mean”

In a child’s eyes to not be given the food they want. It can also seem “mean” to give them boundaries and rules, but these things are necessary to avoid having whiny, entitled children who live in our houses until they are 40.

Will it Still be Cute Then?

Is it cute when a grown-up comes to your home for a meal and refuses to eat the meal you’ve prepared simply because they don’t like one of the ingredients?

I know a few of these adults, but I’m certainly not raising any!

Listen to this podcast episode on Umbrella Parenting and Raising Children With Strong Coping Skills with Dr. Jen Forristal.

Here We Go…

I know, I know, I hear the objections now.

What about kids with allergies? Or special needs? Or disorders that affect their ability to eat certain foods?

Of course, there are exceptions to any rule and these circumstances dictate a little more leeway, but I have yet to find any condition that completely kept a parent from feeding their child any healthy food whatsoever. If your child has a condition that makes him allergic to anything but chocolate milk and cotton candy, I apologize, but I haven’t encountered this yet.

What I have encountered are many children who think they are a special snowflake with special privileges who get served special food.

I’ve also encountered a lot of obese kids. And kids with health problems.

And it Breaks my Heart

Because kids don’t buy happy meals on their own.

They also don’t habituate themselves to crap foods on their own. We feed them bland white foods and then wonder why they only like bland white foods.

I know because I did it to my first child at a doctor’s recommendation.

And he was a freakin’ picky eater for a couple of years before I realized my kid was going to be an inconsiderate jerk when it came to food if I didn’t change something.

So I Did

I think they call that parenting.

It certainly doesn’t mean I always have the answers (or even that I usually do).

But I do know this:

It took me a few months to help transition my picky temper tantrum pitching child to an adventurous eater who loves broccoli. I know it is possible.

I also know I haven’t had a picky kid since him. You know what changed?

Me.

Tough Love

Here’s a dose of something we aren’t giving our kids (or ourselves) very much: tough love.

As parents, we owe it to our children to help them become well-adjusted, healthy members of society. One of the many small ways we can do this is by teaching them the basic idea that food is for nutrition first and enjoyment second.

That we only get one body and we should take care of it.

And that it isn’t ok to live off of granola bars and chicken nuggets. That they will survive eating brussels sprouts and meat. And *gasp* even salads and olives and beets and every other food that we think kids won’t like.

Because at the end of the day… if our kids grow up fat, picky and sick, we have only ourselves to blame.

Dear parents… let’s stop the picky epidemic. Today. 

Important note: This post addresses the attitudes relating to food as much as the foods themselves. Of course, there are times and medical conditions when a varied diet may not be possible or recommended and these would require adjustment. I’m certainly not advocating that we force feed our kids or never give them any choices at all, only that we encourage an adventurous attitude toward trying new food and a kind and respectful attitude when refusing foods, especially after trying them. (For example, “no thank you, I’m not hungry” rather than whining and complaining). That is a manners issue and not a food issue at all. It is also something that every parent can work with a child on.

I wrote this post years ago about our guidelines for meal times and how we encourage our children to eat a variety of foods in case it is helpful for more specifics.

Katie Wells Avatar

About Katie Wells

Katie Wells, CTNC, MCHC, Founder of Wellness Mama and Co-founder of Wellnesse, has a background in research, journalism, and nutrition. As a mom of six, she turned to research and took health into her own hands to find answers to her health problems. WellnessMama.com is the culmination of her thousands of hours of research and all posts are medically reviewed and verified by the Wellness Mama research team. Katie is also the author of the bestselling books The Wellness Mama Cookbook and The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox.

Comments

245 responses to “Dear Parents, We Owe it To Our Kids to Stop Picky Eating”

  1. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    You make it sound so easy. And would totally have agreed with you prior to having a child. I despise picky eaters. They make me angry. My husband and inlaws are picky. But I have gotten my husband to eat more over the years. But then I had a picky eater, and we moved In with my in laws for a year while building a house. And everything went to hell. Because they eat junk and so if they were eating cheeze it’s while he was eating dinner guess who ended up eating cheese it’s for dinner. It was so bad, but it wasnt fair to the inlaws to say you can’t eat that crap in front of him. And he didn’t understand why his beloved papa and Gigi could eat these yummy treats and he couldn’t. I know what you are thinking. I’m mom, I dictate what he is allowed to eat, but when you are in that situation and living in someone else house rent free, you want to make as few waves as possible. So now fast forward 6 months. We are in a tiny apartment with the smallest kitchen ever with a tiny fridge and freezer still waiting on the house to be complete. I’m the one that cooks and cares about healthy food. If it was up to my husband, he would eat pizza or cereal every night of the week. I work 12 hour days. I get home well past dinner time. I try to cook ahead, but I rarely have time. And it’s not like we have space to freeze meals. So what does my son eat 3 days a week? Grilled cheese, pb&j or pizza with frozen peas or carrots when he decides to eat them (about 10-20 percent of the time). So I am failing as a mother obviously and I’m mildly offended by your article. I get where your coming from, but it’s just not that easy sometimes. I wish I had a clue on how to turn things around but I don’t know where to start. Any advice would be great. I’ve tried several tactics recommended by feeding therapists, but nothing has stuck.

    1. Wellness Mama Avatar

      Hugs Shannon! Sounds like you’ve definitely had some tough situations. I defintiely didn’t mean to offend you and it sounds like you are an awesome mom. I had a picky eater too in my first child and I know how tough it can be to turn things around. These are the guidelines that really helped his transition and that we use now: https://wellnessmama.com/8024/food-rules/ The biggest thing with him was just not giving him too much of any new food to try (only one bite) and after he tried, using language like “Its ok if you don’t like it yet, you will when you get older and try it a few more times.” This helped create the mental attitude that likes and dislikes were not set in stone. We also let him start helping make foods more (sounds like this will get easier when you move into your home!). Sending you hugs and respect…

    2. Sara Avatar

      It is that easy. Healthy food does not have to be difficult. Who shops for food? If it’s you, don’t buy junk. If it’s the husband, take over that chore and don’t buy junk. It’s just as easy to make a salad as it is to pop a frozen pizza in the oven. Instead of chips give them fruit or veggies. Don’t give them a choice. They will eat before they starve to death.

  2. Mary Jewell Avatar
    Mary Jewell

    Katy,
    I’m a Speech Language Pathologist by profession & have grown offspring and grandkids. Over the decades, I’ve observed a rise in eating disorders. Some of the eating disorders stem from medical-based causes.
    However, some of the evaluations reveal that a child has developed “picky eater” behaviors that result in an unhealthy dietary intake. Regardless of the etiology, the child often learns that they are in control and that mealtime is stressful. This is understandable but also heartbreaking for the caregiver and the child. Caregiver’s most innate motivation is to feed their child. When power struggles begin over new food introductions the frustration builds and feeding becomes a dreaded task versus the pleasant social experience we desire.
    As I partner with caregivers, feeding strategies are set up to get the child’s feeding behaviors back on track to build healthy and joyful feeding experiences for the families.
    Thank you so much for bringing up this topic with your readers!
    Mary

  3. Lindsey Avatar
    Lindsey

    Excellent post!! I’m a nanny, and my almost 3-year-old’s parents are both doctors. You’d think they’d care at least a little bit about having him eat a healthy diet. But they don’t seem to. I, on the other hand, DO care and realize the importance of him eating healthy now while he is little. When he’s with me, he eats great. At least I know he’s getting a couple health and nutritious meals each day!

    I’m pregnant with my first baby, and I am actually excited to have my future child eat good and not grow up picky! Unfortunately, I am one of those picky annoying adults. I hate it. I wish my parents had put their foot down the second I turned my nose up at something. So my husband and I are determined to raise a good eater!

  4. Mary d Avatar

    Great article Katie,
    I think the only people who are getting offended are the people who are guilty of caving. I’m a nutritional therapist and have to teach people to be firm with their kids all of the time and they often get offended. I love it when people who are passionate are firm with how they feel!
    Preach it Katie!

  5. Carolina Avatar
    Carolina

    Love, love, love the article! I have one picky eater who is not catered to, but was born picky. He is slowly becoming more adventurous by watching cooking shows and wanting to try it out. Letting him cook food, not just bake desserts, helps him get creative and not shy away from eating something different. Even something as simple as build your own salad and mix your own dressing is a great motivator to eat salad. But of course, I let him handle something dangerous like a knife to chop things up and use the stove to cook. Oooohh no! We also use the two bites try rule. You might not like one of the dishes for supper, but you have to at least take two bites to try it. They may not like it the first or second time, but things grow on you over time. Limiting snacks and only making fruit or yogurt or other suitable healthy options helps. They should be hungry for mealtimes! Also a lot of people hold the belief that eating certain fruits like watermelon or other melons 15 minutes before mealtimes activates the enzymes in your tummy and actually helps you eat better (makes you hungrier) for dinner. I have used this philosophy for some of my kids that seem lethargic about eating and it seems to help. My mom really believes it works, and she is not alone. As a teen I worked at a Mediterranean restaurant that always served a small fruit plate (melons) while ordering so that the customers would get hungrier and order more. Might work for your little one.

  6. sue Avatar

    I have to say this. I am now a grandmother. When my kids were little they were very picky. Oh, we did have the nightly issues at dinner, we really did. Did I try to get them to eat what I made? I sure did! BUT, and I was thinking, what made the difference, because they are still picky! The difference was this: WE HAD JUNK IN THE HOUSE! Yes, that was long before we knew how to eat. Sure, I cooked meals from scratch every night, we never went out, but WE HAD JUNK IN THE HOUSE! And so guess what? My grown kids are still picky! Maybe not as much as they used to be, but they still detest tomato chunks and veggies. I was raised a bit differently. My mom cooked everything like I did, but the amount of junk we had in the house was minimal. I mean, we were not chomping at the bit to eat Lorna Doons or Fig Newtons. LOL She did make excellent cakes and pies many times, but we did not have Cocoa Krispies or anything like that. So I see what made the difference. One other thing I will say. I used to eat such food items as lamb’s tongue when young that I would have a hard time eating now. LOL When it is introduced toa child, and just accepted, you will eat it without thinking, in many cases. I read an article on how kids in France eat about everything. The parts of the animals they eat that most adults here would be horrified by. Again, eaten early it is no big deal. Healthy food means no junk in the house. All that junk food is diabetes, etc. on a plate. One of the best things you can do for your children is feed them healthy food and instill a love of that in them. They will eat like their parents eat.
    When my husband and I got married I was a bit shocked at how poorly he ate and the lack of foods he would eat. His diet growing up was not the best, things like white bread and sugar cereals, etc. I actually got mad at him at one point when trying to cook because of his limited likes. LOL Fast forward to today and the man eats everything! LOL We are even on no grain or sugar, etc. diets. for our health, which we must do. But I have to say WE HAVE NO JUNK IN THE HOUSE! No cookies, no bread, no candy except for him-some dark chocolate. No grains or processed foods, no chips, no crackers, etc. I make my own “bread” out of coconut flour, almonds, walnuts, etc. All our bakery products are sweetened with stevia, and flavored with onion, caraway seeds, etc. and made as healthy as I can. No wheat, no sugar.
    So what I see is this about kids and junk food in the house-they KNOW it is there and they can wait it out. LOL Just like my dog. He waits and waits for something better! I have to tell him that is it buddy, you better eat, and he does! LOL
    My grandkids are very different than my kids were. They eat veggies all the time, crave them and want them raw. Two of them even love seaweed! There are a few things they don’t love, and would rather eat some veggies raw than cooked. But they eat so much better than my kids did. Their parents do not feed them junk food and they really don’t have such things in the house. My daughter’s dr told her kids should not have sugar and she really enforces that. So they do a great job of feeding their kids. We get together every week and have lunch together. I make some special treats. Special treats would be almond/coconut/walnut chocolate cake I make with coconut oil and only stevia to sweeten it. The kids love such things and gobble them down. Raw nuts with cocoa and stevia they love, too, as does my husband. The emphasis is on more healthy foods. I make up my own recipes and replace unhealthy ingredients with healthier choices, and do not use any processed ingredients, but lots of herbs, some fresh we grow, and spices, onions and garlic. Pink salt, etc. Fermented keifer, etc. The best ingredients we can find and what we can afford, organic and nonGMO we also look for. We now eat for our health.
    So my advice is this: get rid of the junk food in your home. Eat REAL food, not food that is processed. Garden with your kids, take them shopping and get them involved in buying healthy veggies, etc. My granddaughter uses her money she has earned to buy veggies or fruit. She knows all the prices and how much they charge in different stores. She will come home with a mango or cucumber, etc. and tell me how much it was. Those are her treats and she loves them. It is possible to if the parents will make it a priority.

  7. Kelly Avatar

    Amen, Mama! Amen!
    That is something that shifted in our house with my oldest son too as at one point he wouldn’t drink anything but juice. When I realized that I was creating a entitled little monster (and a lot of this change was because of my husband) I changed.

    Now two kids later, our rule is it you don’t finish what your given you don’t get anything else until you do. You can not like it but you have to eat it. And we dont waste food.

    I do still have moments when I feel like I’m too strict mostly because I get worried about what other people think, and then I just remind myself that what matters is giving my children the best possible start in life to prepare them for adulthood so they know how to take care of themselves therefore that matters way more than how it may look to someone else.

    Thanks for another encouraging article.

  8. Tabitha Avatar
    Tabitha

    I do believe this is the first time I’ve seen you “pull out all the stops” and tell it the way you feel it, from the guts, and I thank you for it. I respect you even more.

  9. Ally Avatar

    Great article, thank you. You are my inspiration and hero.
    My young children know the rules: eat what is on offer or don’t eat. Eating mostly plant-based, raw & organic rarely results in any empty bellies.
    We love talking about how our veggies make us strong – helping us swing from bars, ride bikes and do cartwheels.
    When we read stories where someone has died eg Cinderella, we discuss why they died. We always say “because they didn’t eat their greens”.
    We maintain a consistent message, including never calling junk food a “treat”.
    I have taught my children to only accept freshly squeezed fruit juice, otherwise it’s like a lolly. When they ask “why can’t we have lollies?”, i say “because sugar suppresses the immune system, tricks our brain into being hungry, damages teeth and feeds cancer cells”. I also say “because when we break rhe rules, we can do better than boring old lollies. We can have pizza or chinese!!” (etc).
    My 3yo has actually asked at a friend’s dinner party “is this organic?”!!
    Children have such a huge capacity to learn, so let’s teach them!! We can be excellent role models for other parents. Perhaps some of them have thought about saying no to their child but were too afraid to!

  10. mitzi Avatar

    This was a winner that’s opened my eyes a little more. After I got pregnant with my second when my first was only 9 months old I hadn’t lost my baby weight nor was I even trying to. I still have it 2.5 years later but that’s another issue I’m now working on. I ate so well pregnant with my first and right after she was born but once I got pregnant again I was sick and miserable. The only thing I wanted was junk. Not only was it more palatable but it was more convenient. Up until then I rarely drank soft drinks and was very active. After he was born it’s been downhill since. This article is how I was raised and how I’ve tried to raise my kids but we somehow ended up eating pizza once a week, delivery and also fast food at least 3 meals a week, usually lunches. I do cook a lot but I’ve dealt with some health issues lately, high BP and most recent bells palsy so I’ve been extra tired. I want to be so much better but it seems once I try something happens and makes it more difficult. We recently to a theme park and I noticed all the obese children and it broke my heart. My kids are not over weight at all but I certainly don’t want them to be that way. We don’t eat many sweets as those are for special occasions which I am now rethinking that one but the fast food has to stop. I’ve needed more motivation and this is it. Maybe “I” need the tough love, haha. My oldest isn’t very picky. We eat tons of veggies but my son won’t eat much of them. He eats broccoli and green beans. Sometimes peas. They don’t get special food though. If they don’t eat it they go to bed hungry which my youngest has done a lot. Thank you for this article. 🙂

  11. Laurette Avatar
    Laurette

    WELL SAID! I’m glad you didn’t ‘ sugar coat’ it! I’m glad you had the courage to address this subject.
    Enable your children in their eating habits and you’ll enable them in other things as they get older and you will really have monsters running the house .

  12. Lily Avatar

    Amazing article! Thank you for the tough love. My 3 year old are everything until she was about 18m. At this point we had to put her into a daycare where they had a fixed menu and no outside food besides ‘snacks’. I would send fruit sticks or sweet potato fries or something like that. They insisted it was not a snack and the snack had to be non-perishable like cookies or crackers. I sent puffs. So at home we tried to stick to our non-processed diet but it started to cascade. Around 2.5 we hit a wall where she was only eating junk at home too so I put in tough love and said you have to finish your plate or at least try everything. It worked sort of for a bit and then she just started asking for what she eats at daycare which is often rice or noodles. She does serve them fruits and veggies which my daughter eats. Wanting advice: how do you implement when child comes home 2 hours before bedtime, sometimes tired and cranky and not even hungry (if she gets too hungry before we pick her up the daycare Procider feeds her leftovers from lunch). The daycare Procider is excellent by the way and at the moment we don’t have a choice so looking for advice. Thanks!

  13. Kirsten Avatar
    Kirsten

    I totally agree with this. This is the way I was raised and the way I’d like to raise my kids. I have a husband who was never made to eat anything he didn’t like and only served things he would eat. He has the most shocking eating habits which are almost impossible to change. When we met he only ate refined white carbs and junk food. I was also appalled by the fact he could say to someone who’d invited us for dinner’ I don’t eat that’ (the height of rudeness). I’ve been able to improve his eating slightly but it’s a constant struggle for me. This has become a major issue since having kids. My 3year old has been quite fussy since 18 months old after being such a good eater. Any advice on how I can improve my husbands and my 2 young boys eating habits. I will not allow my boys to develop eating habits as bad as their fathers.

  14. Susan Smalley Avatar
    Susan Smalley

    Excellent article Katie, and about time someone spoke up about the need for parents to be parents once again!
    You are so right, that children have no idea what is good for them and that’s why they need parents to decide for them, what to eat, when they’re tired, and what is safe for their health and well being.

    I have homebirthed, raised and homeschooled 11 children. I taught them to be thankful for what they were given, and to eat what was put in front of them. As you know,In a larger family, a child learns that it’s not all about YOU, and what You want. They learn that they are not the only person in the world or in the family, and that life isn’t about having your own way at all costs. Can you imagine the bedlam of 6,7, 8+ children all wanting their own favorite meal and getting it!???

    It’s the parent’s job and their responsibility to choose for a child what is best for them. The trouble is that the modern Mother doesn’t seem to get her role as mother. It’s not her job to worship her child and give in to their every whim. That will only create a self centered brat, who will be miserable for life, and make those in their life miserable too, as they go through life having fits, every time they don’t get their own way.

    Honestly, a baby knows how to manipulate their parents into getting their own way from a very early age. Mother’s need to have REAL LOVE, not tough love in order to do what is best for the child. Real love won’t back down and give in to a whining or screaming toddler. In fact if you don’t back down from the beginning, the child learns that they are not God , or the center of the universe, and the child is generally much happier knowing their boundaries, and what is acceptable.

    This isn’t just apparent in eating, and coddling with food. You see it in every aspect of a child’s life, and so many children are being raised to be miserable, because they live to get their own will, and life just isn’t that way.
    All of life has things that come up, where, there are rule, laws, or even natural occurrences where YOUR OWN WAY, hits a brick wall. Death of a parent, Sickness, stillborn babies, car accidents, floods, traffic lights, Employees only ,or even Keep off the grass signs.

    Children need to learn that life isn’t about having their own way, but in accepting what you have, being Thankful, Respectful, and CHOOSING to be Happy with what you have been given!!!

    Good old fashioned parenting is sadly missing these days, and the world and society is suffering as a result of the lack of Real Mothering.. Remember…”The hand that rocks the cradle rule the world.”
    Motherhood is the most important, and the hardest job anyone will ever do, and the effects of a Real Loving Mother will last for generations, No,… actually for eternity.

    PS. I loved your post, but I could do without the word “freaking” which I find highly offensive. It’s too close to the swear word that has become commonplace with so many young people today. Mother’s must watch how they speak,…. our children are listening.

    Mother of 12 and grandmother of 22.

  15. Shona Avatar

    I am really struggling with this just now. When my ten year old was young, I made the .mistake of following conventuonal nutritional advice, going low fat and high carb. Now all she wants to eat is pasta and rice and chicken.

    By the time my two year old came along, we were mostly primal so she has had a great approach to food, eating liver, olives, mackerel and many other things not normally associated with kids. But the oldest won’t eat. She will literally go days without eating and I am genuinely frightened. Now the toddler is starting to pick up her bad habits and I don’t know what to do anymore.

    Last night, the ten year old made such a fuss about eating dinner that she ended up vomitting onto her plate. I am exhausted and worried and I can’t go to a professional for help because the NHS guidelines suggest that I just let her eat what she wants and she’ll grow out of it.

    Any advice would be appreciated. I’m just about at the end of my tether.

    1. Anita Avatar

      If she is really that stuck to carbs, she could have a candida overgrowth, or sugar dysfunction to the point of addiction. You should check for both.

      After that, at her age, you are going to have to make her responsible for planning and serving healthy meals. Give her one or two meals per week that are her responsibility. Help her plan, but make it her centered. The most stubborn kids often need the most responsibility.

      Good luck!

      1. Pat Avatar

        Yes, this plan worked on my nephew when he was a pasta only eater, he got tired of it fast, saying whatever you make I’ll eat. But she put her foot down and said no pasta, but you can choose whatever else you want to eat and I’ll cook it. Problem solved after 1 week.

        1. Anita Avatar

          Glad to hear it worked with your nephew! Sometimes we just do too much for them. I know I do. Then I stop and remember, when I was that age I was expected to…… fill in what ever. It is the trend, but not good to infantilize our kids the way we do. I started cooking at age 6. Little things, Mom let me make the salad, cook the veggies, you know. Stuff I couldn’t screw up too badly.

  16. Ambra Savage Avatar
    Ambra Savage

    I absolutely loved this article and couldn’t agree more. Thank you for posting!

    I hear all day long how absolutely amazing it is to see my kids eat at the table, enjoy their food, be adventurous in what they’re eating… blah blah blah, but in the next breath suggest that i’m too strict. It’s fascinating. My 3 year old can now recite my favourite dinner table saying… it’s my job as Mamma to provide you with a nutritious meal, it’s your job to eat it… or not. It’s your choice. No other food will be served until breakfast (or lunch, or dinner depending), so make your choice wisely.

    1. LaraS Avatar

      Strange, really, isn’t it? Something similar happens to me, the same people who praise my having taught my boys to say “please” and “thank you” think I am too strict on them. Oh the irony.

  17. Judee Avatar

    Bravo! You are so right. Kids can’t eat junk if we don’t buy it. I had a similar issues with napping with my 7 month old. He would cry so much, I would take him out of the crib. My friend pointed out that he is not able to get out of the crib and if I leave him there, he will eventually nap. Took 4 days and he became a routine napper with no fuss. I think the food issue is similar. If parents make the choices eventually they will eat. My friend used to give in to her daughter with sugary cereal and snacks and said she couldn’t get her off them. Then her 5 year old got a high glucose reading on one of her blood tests ( she was having some other issues and needed testing) and guess what? she got her off all the high sugar foods and snacks fast! It can be done- but it is the parent’s attitude and responsibility as you pointed out.

  18. Lara Avatar

    I saw a sign in a store that read…

    Tonight’s dinner menu:
    Take it
    Or
    Leave it.

    In total agreement here. Children are suffering from nutritional deficiencies. It can easily (and now commonly) spiral into mental health and behavioral diagnoses. No one said parenting is easy. But this is an extremely important part of the task.

  19. Maria Avatar

    I agree with you, not a mother yet ( soon), but this is the way I am gonna raise my child. I have seen children with no table manners at all, picky eaters, ungrateful, demanding , and very entitled.
    And this start at home when you cater them too much ,they will expect that will be the same everywhere. And there is when it goes wrong at schools, etc.
    People expect that what his or her child does at home will be accepted everywhere. I don’t want a child that is a burden, for people , when I am around or even when I am not around. Society has to deal with that child later. And having and adult that behaves that way when you invite him over for meals doesn’t seem very delightful. I like how you wrote this article. Thank you

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