My Food Rules to Help Picky Eaters

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Food Rules to Cure Picky Eating
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Over the years, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how I get my kids to eat healthy foods. In the beginning, having picky eaters was a struggle for our family. I was searching for a way to create better eating habits and encourage family meals. 

After reexamining our family’s attitude about food (and with trial and error), I figured out some “food rules.” This adjustment in how we viewed food and eating, along with getting my kids more involved, has worked well for us.

If you’re struggling with picky eaters, start by looking at your family’s attitude about food. Offering a variety of foods will help establish good eating habits. However, having some guidelines around food and mealtimes will help change their eating behavior. And it’ll make the time you spend around the table more enjoyable!

Why Do We Have Picky Eaters?

Often, parents assume their kids won’t eat or like certain foods — even if they haven’t complained about (or even tried!) a certain food before. There’s a perception that “kid-friendly” foods like chicken nuggets, sandwiches, and pre-packaged snacks are the only things they want to eat. So we become hesitant to introduce different foods because we’re afraid our kids won’t like them.

When a child’s diet regularly consists of this type of food, they’re missing out on important nutrients of a varied, well-rounded diet.

I’ve also noticed that the attitude we teach our kids about food is just as important as the food choices we offer. When I’ve visited other countries, I’ve noticed a significant difference in how children ask for, eat, and behave around food.

I certainly think the foods we market to and prepare for our children in the US need to change. But, I think it’s equally important to change the way our kids (and we!) think about food.

7 Tips to Help Overcome Picky Eating

As I noticed our family’s attitude toward food needed to change, I began incorporating ideas from other cultures. I noticed my mom’s French family ate a wide variety of foods, wasn’t picky, and was naturally thin. I started using these ideas with my children, and the difference has been astounding.

These are our “Food Rules,” though the name is slightly misleading. These aren’t hard and fast rules that make dinner times more problematic. Instead, these are guidelines about how children should act in food-related situations. These “rules” are best taught by example and practiced as a family rather than with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).

1. No Complaining About Food

In my home, children (and adults) aren’t allowed to complain about food. This doesn’t mean that they’re forced to eat at every meal. But it does mean that negative talk about food is not allowed.

Food’s number one job is to nourish us. It’s not for entertainment. This is an important thing to teach children. Additionally, complaining about food is rude to the person who prepared it and also shows a closed-minded attitude. A negative comment about a certain food can spread quickly and is hard to undo, especially with multiple kids. So it is better to head this off completely!

No one is ever forced to eat if they aren’t hungry (see Rule #6). But everyone must sit together and participate with a positive attitude. Those who insist on a negative attitude can leave to get ready for bed.

2. Food Is Not a Reward (or Punishment)

To help create a neutral attitude toward food, I never use it as a reward or punishment. I want to avoid my kids creating an emotional connection with food. Because, remember, food’s number one job is for nourishment, not entertainment.

Many of us (myself included!) have emotional connections to a certain food. Or we feel a desire to eat certain things in emotional situations. How many times have you reached for a snack when you’re feeling sad, stressed, excited, or bored? 

This is also known as emotional eating. I want to avoid this with my kids, especially with rates of obesity in kids on the rise. So, it’s important to not create an association between foods (especially unhealthy ones) and emotions.

To that end, I don’t use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (although I’m not perfect at this!). I also don’t highlight certain foods on birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, I focus on experiences. For example, we’ll go to the zoo instead of having a birthday cake and sugary snacks.

In the same way, I don’t present foods as a punishment or associate them with punishment. I’d never say, “You have to eat your asparagus or you’re in trouble.” While I don’t let my children complain about food (see Rule #1), the negative attitude is disciplined, not the action related to the food.

3. Eating Is a Positive Family Activity

Eating meals as a family at the dinner table has become less common. But it’s so important for everyone in the family! The trend of eating on the go and while watching TV contributes to negative attitudes about food. For this reason, I work hard to eat our meals (especially breakfast and dinner) together as a family when possible.

Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see Rule #1). If they choose not to eat, they can stay and enjoy the conversation. This promotes our family time and makes it less about eating and more about bonding.

While we’re eating, I focus on having calming conversations to reduce stress at the table. We talk about things we are grateful for, things that made us laugh. This creates a space to eat slower and more mindfully. And it helps increase their well-being by eating in a less stressful situation.

4. Get Kids Involved

This is a big one to help kids get more interested in food, especially new foods! Kids of all ages can get more involved in the process. And when kids are involved, it gives them buy-in to try new things. Added bonus: they’ll learn how to plan and cook meals for when they move out on their own!

Starting when my kids were little, as young as 2 years of age, I’d have them help. At the grocery store or farmer’s market, you can talk about the different foods and have them pick out new ones to try. I always make an effort to explain why certain types of food are more nutrient-dense and how they benefit the body (see Rule #7).

Kids can also help with meal planning, prepping food, setting the table, and cleaning up. I love this course from my friend Katie Kimball, Kids Cook Real Foods. She offers courses with age-appropriate learning and even has a mini-course for young children! It’s a great solution to help avoid (or cure!) a picky eater.

5. Try, Try Again

In my house, the whole family eats the same thing at each meal. Children don’t get special “kid-friendly” foods. As soon as they can eat solid foods, they get tiny pieces of what we’re all eating. This atmosphere encourages them to eat what’s served and avoids battles over food. When I serve an unusual or new food, I don’t make a big deal about it. I simply present it with a positive attitude and assume they’ll eat it.

They get one small bite of each food that’s served (one green bean, one bite of sweet potatoes, and a piece of chicken). When they finish one bite of each, they can ask for more.

If they don’t like a food or don’t request more, I reassure them. I explain that it’s ok as long as they’re willing to try it every time. I explain that one day (when they’re grown up), their taste buds and food preferences might change and they might like the food. They’re not forced to eat huge amounts of foods they don’t necessarily like. But I do serve it repeatedly and set the expectation that they keep trying it.

6. Hunger Is OK

In our house, we don’t view hunger as a negative experience that we’re constantly trying to correct. I’ve known people who have completely lost a natural sense of hunger due to constant access to food.

It’s perfectly normal (and expected) to be hungry before eating a meal. Children who are at least slightly hungry tend to be happier and more adventurous eaters at meal times. For this reason, I try to limit snack times and make sure they occur well before meals. There’s no need to practice continuous eating.

Normal hunger at meal times encourages kids to eat what’s served. It also helps them want to eat enough so they avoid being hungry too soon. At the same time, a child who complains and is excused from the dinner table to get ready for bed (see Rule #1) quickly learns to have a more positive attitude. It’s never taken my kids more than two nights total of missing family dinners to find an improved outlook.

7. Focus on Nutrient-Dense Foods

I noticed that my mom (and the French in general) eat smaller amounts of higher-quality food. They enjoy it more and obsess about it less (in general). To help make all of the above “rules” easier to implement, I focus on cooking nutrient-dense, rich foods from scratch. We incorporate bone broth, raw cheeses, homemade sauces (with butter or cream), high-quality meat, eggs, and egg-based foods like hollandaise sauce on a daily basis.

My kids are nourished with a balanced meal after eating an omelet filled with meat and veggies and topped with hollandaise. But they’ve also received a boost of beneficial fats (as opposed to a bowl of cereal).

Although it’s time-consuming, I value home-cooked, nutritious meals. So, I cook from scratch most days, but I also batch cook on the weekends. This saves a lot of time and sets us up for the week. And because the kids help (see Rule #4), it saves me time now that they’re older.

Changing my family’s attitude about food has been a process. But it’s one that’s well worth it to change picky eaters into healthy eaters! As you begin this journey, remember that you’re the best role model for your kids. They’re watching your relationship with food and how you react. Soon picky eating will be a thing of the past!

Is it a battle for your family or are your kids adventurous eaters? How do you handle a picky eater? Share your tips below!

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Katie Wells Avatar

About Katie Wells

Katie Wells, CTNC, MCHC, Founder of Wellness Mama and Co-founder of Wellnesse, has a background in research, journalism, and nutrition. As a mom of six, she turned to research and took health into her own hands to find answers to her health problems. WellnessMama.com is the culmination of her thousands of hours of research and all posts are medically reviewed and verified by the Wellness Mama research team. Katie is also the author of the bestselling books The Wellness Mama Cookbook and The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox.

Comments

56 responses to “My Food Rules to Help Picky Eaters”

  1. Elisa Avatar

    Yes!! This is so great! We’ve been having picky eater issues and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was – but you hit the nail on the head. This is exactly the issue – the food attitude. I grew up in Switzeraland and many of the health habits you write about were just 2nd nature to us, but since moving to the USA when I was 11 years old and raising my own children and having to work hard to get nutrients in their bodies b/c the supermarket is 80% garbage…it has been a challenge. Thank you so much for your blog. I am working on getting back to the way I was raised, even though I have to “hunt” for the good food. Thankfully, your blog helps me find good resources. Thank yous so much and God bless you.

  2. Lindsey Avatar

    Hey Katie! This is so helpful, thanks for sharing! I am curious, though, about how your family handles going out to eat, being a large family with a specific diet. Also, I was wondering if you allow liquids at meal time. You’re awesome! 🙂

  3. BriAnne Moline Avatar
    BriAnne Moline

    Any suggestions on making school age kiddos lunches? His school has a Nut free environment so that makes it even more difficult. I have been making sandwiches, bagels, cream cheese and crackers, etc. but I am doing research on different ways of eating to see if this will help with his behavior. A little background, he is 6 1/2 and after a really difficult last year culminating with him being so depressed after being bullied that he said he wished he was dead I sought help and received a diagnosis of ADHD, depression, and the potential of learning disorders. The doctors are encouraging me to medicate him but I am seeking alternative treatments and starting with diet. I am also ADHD although undiagnosed and I am interested in a change of diet for the whole family.

    Thanks!

    1. Jessica Avatar

      I don’t yet have children, but I have ADHD and depression myself. My symptoms are greatly reduced due to diet. I basically (though not to a T) follow the diet outlined in the book Potatoes, Not Prozac. It’s an amazing book. The basic premise is changing/healing brain chemistry issues and sugar sensitivity by adding a specific amount of protein to your diet, replacing simple carbs with complex carbs, etc., and eventually eliminating sugar from your diet.

      I’ve been eating this way for a few years now and it’s changed my life. I knew that sounds a bit dramatic, but I am now not taking an antidepressant, and I’ve virtually eliminated ADHD meds. (I was taking a high dose the times per day, and now I take the lowest possible dose, and not even every day.)

      There’s also a version of the diet tailored to children. It’s called Little Sugar Addicts. 🙂

      I hope this helps, BriAnne!

    2. Carolyn Avatar
      Carolyn

      I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6. My mom took me off all sugar, food dyes. She got me tested for allergies, then took me off milk, too, and cooked whole foods instead. It completely changed my behavior and I did better in school and did not have behavior problems in school after that.

  4. Angela Avatar

    I like how you teach your family with these food rules. I especially like the one about being hungry. A lot of parents (and their kids) have completely lost the idea that it’s okay to be a little hungry knowing that a nutricious meal will be ready soon. It really will make the food taste better!

  5. Tiffini S. Avatar
    Tiffini S.

    Any suggestions for children who regularly vomit as a way to avoid eating a food they dislike? My son and my daughters know that they have to try things when told, and will do so calmly, then they’ll vomit all over the table (and yes, it’s happened at restaurants and relatives houses) if they don’t like it.

    At home, we don’t make a big deal out of it and just send them to bed. But at a restaurant, or especially at my in-laws, there’s a huge commotion and concern. It undoes everything we’ve done at home, and the child maintains (correctly) that this is a good way to get out of eating food they dislike.

    We’re talking multiple times a week. I’m on the last nerve with it.

    1. Honora Avatar

      Not sure if this will help, but maybe get them to clean up the mess when it occurs at home. Of course they may be too young to do this. And then again, they may vomit again if they have to clean it up!

    2. Virginia Curtis Avatar
      Virginia Curtis

      As someone who has MANY allergies, it’s possible your children are actually allergic to what you’re feeding them. I’d take them to an ENT Dr and have them tested for allergies. I was force fed a few foods as a child that made me throw up. It wasn’t something I did on purpose, rather my bodies reaction to that food. Something to consider.

  6. Ashley Avatar
    Ashley

    Does anyone have suggestions about providing adequate nutrition for a child and husband that won’t eat ANY vegetables? My husband is 37 and step-son is 11. Neither will eat veggies and gag when attempting. My mother-in-law believes it started with my husband because of his asthma medication. As a toddler he loved veggies but just like his son developed serious asthma. I am at a loss because they both refuse to eat any veggies but I want for them to have optimal health. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

    1. Virginia Curtis Avatar
      Virginia Curtis

      As someone who has MANY allergies, I’d bet your husband is allergic to a few vegetables, and has associated all vegetables with that allergy. For example, I am allergic to mold, therefore I am also allergic to mushrooms and raw onions and raw garlic. I’d take both of your boys to an ENT Dr for allergy testing.

  7. Kelly Avatar

    Katie – just curious what you do about candy and food related to holidays? For example, Halloween, Easter, Valentines day? I pretty well regulate what kind of sweets my kids get during these holidays, but I find that they get all kinds of junk I wouldn’t otherwise give them- from well meaning family members – aunts uncles and grandparents. I’ve asked kindly to limit the amount of sweets given. I’ve even picked through and discarded some things when my kids are sleeping. But I wondered how you (or anyone else reading this comment) encounter that obstacle?

    1. Katie - Wellness Mama Avatar

      We don’t really do Halloween, I hide empty easter eggs or put non-food treats in them, etc. They sometimes choose to eat junk when we are out but usually feel bad later so they don’t choose those options often.

    2. Jennifer Avatar
      Jennifer

      I let my kids go to town on Halloween and collect as much candy as they want, when we get home we pull out all the non-candy items and leave all the candy for the Pumpkin Fairy, she magically changes all their candy into money and then they get to go to the toy store and buy a toy with their money. For Easter we fill plastic eggs with date rolls, dried fruit, nuts, little erasers, cars and other small toys.

  8. Joyce Weiss Avatar
    Joyce Weiss

    I think your information is exactly what we all need.

    Thank you,
    Joyce

  9. Jess Avatar

    How young would you recommend putting a child to bed hungry? I have an 18 month old. If he doesn’t want to eat I figure he isnt hungry but when I take away the food or excuse him he just cries at the fridge until I cave (yesterday was 2 hours) and get him something he wants. I’m nervous putting him to bed hungry b/c he already eats so much in the morning and he is kinda small for his age.

    1. Janet Avatar

      I would also like to know how you deal with sending a child to bed hungry.
      I can’t bring myself to do this as long as my daughter tries everything, she will usually eat all the veggies but only one bit of meat.
      She often wants something more to eat, so allow her a healthy snack to subsidize or more veggies but I don’t always have more of what I cooked to give more of what she liked.

  10. Irene Tiger Avatar
    Irene Tiger

    I don’t have any kids, but i have worked as a Program Aide in day camps, and I remember there was one little girl who wouldn’t want to eat her lunch, and let’s just say some ventriloquism did the trick.

  11. meliisa Avatar
    meliisa

    I whole-heartedly agree with these food rules, but I do have some comments. I have 2 sons aged 15 and 7. My oldest was diagnosed with Asperger’s at a young age and has always been an extremely fussy eater. My youngest will eat anything and everything. My oldest is an extreme vegetable hater. So, we have found ways to incorporate pureed veggies into meals and then he has no idea that he was eating veggies. Recently, I started to be honest with him. For instance when I make mac and cheese with pureed squash and cauliflower (thereby cutting back on the cheese content and just using a sharper blend of cheeses, like old cheddar and parmesean). He would ask me which secret ingredients I snuck into it and he would comment “wow, but it was still really good”. (But I would not tell him till after he ate it). I have found this to be a really good approach. Also, I agree that food is not a reward or a punishment and the one-bite rule is most certainly in effect at our house. However, I have never had the heart to send a child to bed hungry, ever. I think that is mean. I know I do
    not sleep well when I am hungry, why would they? But, I am also not a short order chef; so what I do is this: One bite of everything is mandatory and no complaining allowed. If you choose not to eat it it’s ok. But, you must remain at the table to be polite, while the rest of us finish our meals. After about an hour of everyone being excused from the table, the picky non-eater would be able to make himself some toast and peanut butter or cheese or a bowl of cereal with milk. Because food is not supposed to be a punishment either; so by not eating the food, should not translate into going to bed hungry, either. This approach has helped my oldest son to become less of a fussy eater over the years, despite his autism. He will now eat veggies he
    never ate before and I no longer have to lie about my squash and cauliflower
    spiked mac and cheese, as he eats it willfully, even knowing I have snuck some of
    his much hated veggies into it!

  12. Elissa Czerniawski Teal Avatar
    Elissa Czerniawski Teal

    Love the one bite “rule”. One bite is very manageable and not overwhelming.

  13. Natasha Avatar

    These rules are brilliant! My son was born a picky eater–opposite of his older sister. It was easy to deal with when he was little, I would just not give him snacks and would then give him the green beans, asparagus, or blackberries FIRST, and then give him what he liked (the meat) after. Now he is older and wants to wheel and deal about the food on his plate or, most recently, the milk in his glass. Luckily he does like broccoli, which is high in calcium, because that is an old stand by in my house.

    1. Hanna Avatar

      As a kid I balked at milk, and was force fed whole milk dairy because it’s ‘healthy’. It turns out that I have a dairy sensitivity, so this resulted in years of chronic and serious ENT pain and issues (including several surgeries). I agree that we need to foster positive relationships to whole food in our kids. But supporting them to develop a healthy sense of intuition and the ability to attend to what their bodies are telling them, is also very important.

      I also have to say, more generally, that the ‘no food rewards ever’ and ‘good food/bad food’ stuff I am reading here flirts with eating disordered thinking. Most of these rules are really helpful and thought out, but as someone recovering from eating/body issues who grew up with a lot of these sorts of prohibitions, I have to say that I don’t agree with some of this. Food for thought, anyway.

  14. Tracy Avatar

    My question is about foods that seem to be truly disliked. I guess this would fall under the negative attitude part, but I have a nearly 4-year-old who used to eat anything (she’s always been paleo), but now seems to have developed a sincere dislike for fish. To the point where on Thursdays, when I buy and serve fish for supper, she starts telling me first thing in the morning that she doesn’t want fish for supper. We always make her take one bite, but the struggle is starting to wear me down. And then I always wonder if after her bite of fish, which I know will not satisfy her, do I get her something else to eat so she doesn’t wake up hungry in the middle of the night? I know there are a few foods (mushrooms..ugh) that I cannot stand, and I would expect that any person will have a few foods like this. Any advice is appreciated!

    1. Natasha Avatar

      I have no advice, but this may fall under the ‘pick your battles’ category? My daughter is a great eater so when she turns her nose up at something (she can be iffy when it comes to mixed-up, casserole type foods) I just remind myself that she would choose raw fruit and veggies over most things.

    2. Judy C Avatar
      Judy C

      That is a tough question and one I ask myself with my 2 year old son. At the moment his main issue is veggies so I just keep putting small bite sized pieces on his plate. But with fish it could be a bit trickier. When I read your comment, a couple of things came to mind.

      Ask your daughter what she doesn’t like about the fish – flavour, smell, texture? Does it make her tummy feel funny after she eats it? I ate fish (fish fingers! Ugh!) when I was a little kid but I developed sensitivity to all seafood and now it does not agree with me at all.
      Now for family meals I cook fish and chicken or other meat. We all eat same veggies. My husband chooses fish, I choose chicken and my 2 year old son has both! Would a similar thing work for your family? And perhaps do a “serve yourself” style meal on those nights so your daughter can choose her own meat source. This gives her no pressure to eat the fish, you don’t appear to be giving her special treatment, she gets her protein source without you giving in and cooking a separate meal.

      Good luck!

      1. kristine Avatar
        kristine

        Judy, your advice is spot-on. It is vital to ask the right questions. ‘Why don’t you like this food?’ is a great one. Your solution to offer two types of proteins is brilliant! As a mom of seven children, I salute you! 🙂

  15. Meagan Crone Avatar
    Meagan Crone

    Great tips! I used to be a nanny and the quickest way to end food struggles was this: say I was serving a salad for lunch. If the children decided they didn’t want to eat it (they liked and usually ate salad with no complaint) that was fine. They would take a bite or two and I would put it in the refridgerator for lunch the following day. The kids quickly figured out that a fresh green salad tasted better than a next-day-wilty mess.

  16. Chantel Lawliss Barber Avatar
    Chantel Lawliss Barber

    You are so right on (as always!). I’ve found that it doesn’t take very long to get kids on board with eating healthy even if they are used to complete crap. We are foster parents and our most recent two (a 3yo and 6yo) came to us from another foster home with bags of “their food” which included fruity pebbles, poptarts, donut sticks, etc. I.E. all they ate was pure sugar. The other foster parent told me they don’t eat vegetables and their favorite food is pizza. I kindly said, thank you for the info. The kids both screamed and fussed the first night when i gave them chicken, greens and okra. I gave them about a week to wean off their sugar addiction by allowing them one of those crappy treats if they finished their dinner. After that, it all went in the trash. We explained to the kids why we eat the way we do and how important proper nutrition is. The 6yo really bought into it. (The fact that the 3yo’s front teeth are black/gray from decay helps our case!) After about 3 weeks, we have had almost no food issues with the 6yo. We’ve had a little more trouble with the 3yo. If he doesn’t eat dinner, he goes straight to bed. But generally he eats his dinner. They now both say they love broccoli! (And they take their fermented cod liver oil with no problem!) We were at the store the other day and some man in front of us in line tried to tell the 6yo he needed a candy stick. With a very straight face, the 6yo told the man, “We don’t eat pure sugar.” That was a moment of glory for me! But your rules are so right. Don’t make a big deal. Kids can choose to sit at the table and eat or they can choose to go to bed. And BTW, French Kids Eat Everything is a great read! Also Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman is also a good read. It’s about the French parenting style, but includes info about their attitude toward food as well. P.S. When will you start selling Wellness Mama merch?!?! i am ready for a tshirt or tote that says “Wellness Mama rocks my world!” (or perhaps something far more witty!)

    1. Jenny Shaver Avatar
      Jenny Shaver

      GOOD FOR YOU!! A) for being a foster parent, and B) for weaning those kids off of the crap!! I want to hug you! Especially, as you said, the decay in the 3 year old’s teeth! I work in dentistry & that is so sad & tragic! I don’t yet have kids of my own, but want to thank you, Chantel, for making this world a better place! Love to you & your family!! <3

      ~Jenny

  17. Candice Vega Avatar
    Candice Vega

    These are great! We have started something similar with our 4.5 and 1.5 yr old. They are trying new things and eating a much much wider variety! It’s amazing to me that our culture chooses (for the most part) to label processed food as healthy and a good choice for children.

    1. Zenith Avatar

      I am not sure if I am able to ask a question here or not, but here it goes.
      My 13 yo. daughter is obsessed with hot chips. I have tried to remove them from her diet. But after a few days that is all hear about. Her wanting hot chips. I eventually give in which I know isn’t the right thing to do. My question is this, How do I remove them from her diet and it not be a fight? (She also gets them when she is at friends’ houses.)
      I’ve tried to explain that they aren’t good for her.

      1. Stephanie Avatar
        Stephanie

        I bake sweet potato chips a couple of times a week and they are a hit! I just slice them up, drizzle them with oil (I use coconut oil), and season with different things. They are a great alternative to potato chips and you could spice them up with cayenne pepper.

        1. jake Avatar

          What tool(s) do you use to slice the sweet potatoes? Is it a knife, a mandoline, or something else?

          1. Stephanie Avatar
            Stephanie

            I use a Cutco knife to slice the sweet potatoes. The brand is expensive, but it has been worth every penny! A friend uses a slicer, but they don’t slice well. I think a sharp knife would be the easiest option!

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