This episode is all about how to learn to love yourself and what that actually means, as well as inner bonding and how this translates into better parenting and better relationships as well. I’m here with Dr. Margaret Paul, who is a best-selling author and relationship expert, as well as the co-creator of what’s called the Inner Bonding Self Healing Process. And she’s appeared on all kinds of different media, including Oprah, about this. She has been doing this work for over 53 years, and she’s worked with hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
I really enjoyed this episode because I’ve personally talked about trauma in this podcast and some of the inner work that I’ve done, and I’ve received a lot of questions about resources that people can begin this process. And I think she’s the most tangible example I’ve seen to date. We go deep on things like what loving yourself actually means (and it’s not about bubble baths and self-care), why this is so important, but often misunderstood. She also talks about how she divides emotions between life feelings and wounded feelings and why we tend to treat ourselves either the way our parents treated us.
I loved there are so many takeaways from this conversation. I loved her quote specifically that, “Anger at another is a projection of some way we are not taking care of ourselves.” So truly a fascinating episode. Like I said, I learned a lot and I think it’ll be very impactful, especially for any parents listening, and highly encourage you to listen and to check out her additional work as well. And without further ado, let’s join Dr. Paul.
Episode Highlights With Dr. Margaret Paul
- What loving yourself actually means
- Why this is so important and why it’s often misunderstood
- How she divides emotions: life feelings and wounded feelings
- Why we tend to treat ourselves either the way our parents treated us or the way they treated themselves, and why this is important for us as parents
- How we make other people responsible for our feelings and how this is a major cause of relationship failure
- Unpacking selfishness and why taking care of yourself is not at all selfish
- Why taking responsibility for our own happiness is one of the most selfless things we can do
- How ego controls wanting love and how this plays out in relationships
- What the inner bonding process is and how to begin to take responsibility for your feelings
- The questions we can ask to begin to unpack these patterns: What’s true? What is loving to me?
- How to access spirit and inner knowing
- Ways to identity and start to unpack these subtle methods of control in relationships
- How to integrate this process in parenting to give children good tools from an early age
- The way this fits into trauma recovery and why it might be the most important key
- Anger at another is a projection at some way we are not taking care of ourselves
Resources We Mention
- Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- 6 Steps to Total Self-Healing: The Inner Bonding Process by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- InnerBonding.com with free seven day course
- Free ebook
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
More From Wellness Mama
- 339: Healing Trauma, Releasing Shame, Finding Joy & Becoming a Super Attractor With Gabrielle Bernstein
- 309: How I Overcame Trauma (and Lost 50 Pounds)
- 552: Debi Silber on Stop Sabotaging Yourself and Healing From Betrayal
- 547: Jules Schroeder on Living an Unconventional Life and Intuitive Living
Did you enjoy this episode? Please drop a comment below or leave a review on iTunes to let us know. We value knowing what you think and this helps other moms find the podcast as well.
Thanks to Our Sponsors
This episode is brought to you by Wellnesse, that’s wellness with an “e” on the end. This company is near and dear to my heart because it was born out of my own search for truly natural personal care products for my family. Realizing there weren’t any good options that worked as well as the products we were used to but that were free of ingredients I was trying to avoid, I started creating my own. These products are the result of years of testing formulations and the toothpaste had almost 100 iterations to become our highly rated EWG verified best seller. Unlike other oral care, ours doesn’t carry a poison control warning because it is free of harmful ingredients. But I’m a strong believer that because we absorb much of what we put on our bodies, we shouldn’t just avoid the bad stuff… this is an opportunity to but beneficial ingredients on the body as well! And we did just that. Our toothpaste is packed with ingredients like naturally occurring hydroxyapatite, the mineral that makes up tooth enamel, as well as aloe, green tea and neem to support gum health. Check it out in our regular whitening formula, our new charcoal, and the kid favorite strawberry. Our haircare is basically “hair food” to nourish your scalp from the outside in and support strong hair over time. Check them all out at Wellnesse.com
This podcast is sponsored by Hiya Health Children’s Vitamins…. Most children’s vitamins are basically candy in disguise — often filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other gummy junk growing kids should never eat, with synthetic forms of vitamins. But Hiya is different and is made with zero sugar and zero gummy junk, yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters. Hiya fills in the most common gaps in modern children’s diets to provide the full-body nourishment our kids need with a yummy taste they love. Manufactured in the USA with globally sourced ingredients each selected for optimal bioavailability and absorption. Hiya arrives straight to your door on a pediatrician-recommended schedule. Your first month comes with a reusable glass bottle that your kids can personalize with stickers, then every month thereafter Hiya sends a no-plastic refill pouch of fresh vitamins — which means Hiya isn’t just good for your kids, it’s also good for the environment. Go to hiyahealth.com/wellnessmama and use this link or use code wellnessmama for 50% off – discount applied at checkout.
Join the Conversation...