I’m here with Dr. Margaret Paul, who is a best-selling author and a relationship expert, as well as the co-creator of what’s called the Inner Bonding Self Healing Process. And this episode is all about how to learn to love yourself and what that actually means. She has been doing this work for over 53 years, and she’s worked with hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
I really enjoyed this episode on a personal level because I’ve talked about my own trauma in this podcast and some of the inner work that I’ve done, and I’ve received a lot of questions about resources for those in a similar situation. And I think she’s the most tangible example I’ve seen to date. We go deep on things like what loving yourself actually means (and it’s not about bubble baths and self-care) and why this is so important, but often misunderstood.
She also speaks to why we tend to treat ourselves either the way our parents treated us, or more often the way they treated themselves, and why this is really important as parents. We also talk about how we often make other people responsible for our feelings and how this is a cause of relationship failure in many cases. She shares why taking responsibility for our own happiness is one of the most selfless things we can do and what the inner bonding process is and how to begin to take responsibility for our own feelings, including questions we can ask to begin to unpack those patterns.
There are so many takeaways from this one and I loved her quote that, “Anger at another is a projection of some way we are not taking care of ourselves.” So truly a fascinating episode. I learned a lot and I think it’ll be very impactful, especially for any parents listening, and highly encourage you to listen and to check out her additional work as well.
Episode Highlights With Dr. Margaret Paul
- What loving yourself actually means
- Why this is so important and why it’s often misunderstood
- How she divides emotions: life feelings and wounded feelings
- Why we tend to treat ourselves either the way our parents treated us or the way they treated themselves, and why this is important for us as parents
- How we make other people responsible for our feelings and how this is a major cause of relationship failure
- Unpacking selfishness and why taking care of yourself is not at all selfish
- Why taking responsibility for our own happiness is one of the most selfless things we can do
- How ego controls wanting love and how this plays out in relationships
- What the inner bonding process is and how to begin to take responsibility for your feelings
- The questions we can ask to begin to unpack these patterns: What’s true? What is loving to me?
- How to access spirit and inner knowing
- Ways to identity and start to unpack these subtle methods of control in relationships
- How to integrate this process in parenting to give children good tools from an early age
- The way this fits into trauma recovery and why it might be the most important key
- Anger at another is a projection at some way we are not taking care of ourselves
Resources We Mention
- Inner Bonding – free seven day course
- The 3 Secrets to Loving Yourself and Others – Webinar
- 4 Mistakes That Block Self-Love and Relationships – Free ebook
- Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul, Ph.D
- Diet For Divine Connection: Beyond Junk Foods and Junk Thoughts to At-Will Spiritual Connection by Margaret Paul, Ph.D
- How to Become Strong Enough to Love: Creating Loving Relationships Through the Six-Step Pathway of Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul, Ph.D
- Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul, Ph.D and Erika Chopich
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
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