The Dark Side of Blogging

what you are doing is a full time job and i think if you use advertising, because of who you are the ads will be of good quality and useful and we would know they are ads so can always skip them if we want to. Google ads probably wouldn’t work for me but something similar to Soulemama who has a subscription service for her advertisers who have to apply to her etc would be great. You work hard and you deserve to get an income and make your businees as big or little as you wish.. you helped me on the path to health and your blog gave me the courage to cancel the dentist appt to pull 2 of my 7 year old son’s teeth out. The teeth are now completely healed.

Wouldn’t life be a whole lot better if we weren’t our worst critic? I implore you, because staying stop never works for me, to cut back on being so hard on yourself. There is no such thing as perfect or even really normal. There is just this wide range of people plugging along and doing what works for them. Many work really hard to make the world a better place, like you do and some, well, some just have well, we’ll say priorities that you and I may not agree with.

Many years ago my blog was getting stripped and posted elsewhere. They didn’t even have advertising or anything, just wanted to piggyback on what I wrote . Hurt, astounded, and flabbergasted are the first emotions that come to mind that I felt at the time, then I got mad. Luckily, once I told this dear person that what they were doing not only was not nice, it wasn’t how you created a following and it was illegal, they quit it. I hope you have a similar easy outcome. It’s a compliment, a royal pain to deal with, but a complement none the less.

What do you consider “selling out?” I get the sense that your definition of this is more stringent than mine and I thought mine was fairly conservative. Having a blog costs money, your time is valuable, your posts and books are a creative product that only you can create. As long as your advertisers are “vetted” by you, you are not selling out. Stop stressing about defining the term and feel comfortable sharing your sources for things you use in your own home and posts via advertising, not just affiliate links. Trust me, it won’t hurt and if you are worried about turning people off, run an occasional survey or the like asking your readers how they feel about it.

2. How much of the “real me” do you want to see? Being human is wonderful. Being a logo is less so. I think you already answered your own question in your post. Being perfect is stressful. Filtering everything you do feels un-authentic. Your personality shines through with every post I have read and I, and others, keep coming back. Give yourself permission, this isn’t always about what the readers want to see, it’s about what you need to get out or off your chest. (I don’t mean rants, think the positive things that you share all of the time)

3. Do you want me to create more courses, ebooks, and products for you? I may be the wrong person to ask for this one. I live on a super tight budget and usually have to pass on everything other than ebooks, so I don’t feel “qualified” to say “Yes, courses or products!” when I can’t then support your efforts.

P.S. I usually follow the supply/affiliate links in your posts and have never used your resources page. I just checked it out and it is wonderful! Genius move to sort it the way you did, lettings us know what you take and suggest all on one page. See? You know how to do this without selling out or shoving it down people’s throats.

Smile. Breath. Hug your family. Repeat.

What a breath of fresh air! Thank you! I think all moms thank you because reading blogs can have such a double-edged affect; giving valuable information but also building a false standard that these blogging mom’s always do everything perfect. Especially with food, I often find myself feeling guilty if I can’t provide the best; it is so encouraging to realize that even the bloggers who help set these standards are not always meeting them…it helps me realize they are an ideal that we can continually aspire to, but not feel guilty when we can’t do everything.
For me personally, I feel like having a limited number of ads (NOT pop-ups though, I detest those!) would be less of a “selling out” than getting a large number of emails promoting such and such’s product/conference/etc. I feel like every health blog I read has promoted so many conferences and deals in the last year, that I have started to doubt everyone’s authenticity unfortunately. I’d rather to see a few ads than email upon email of “for the next 24 hours, this package is only $200!” (I’m not saying you did this, just an example). I consider that more of a selling out than the ads. Note: I HAVE enjoyed many of these free conferences, so I don’t think promoting a conference you believe it/are talking at is bad! I just get turned off by all the follow-up “buy now” emails from everyone.
2. I think more of what you shared in this post is perfect. Honestly, your intuition seems pretty good; be you, bravely! You will know what to post. I think for me, I get turned off from mom bloggers that are too negative as a way to try to let people know they are normal…but I don’t get that sense from you at all! I think one way to encourage other moms would be to include a “I’m normal” snapshot (visual or descriptive) once in a while at the bottom of a post about something super-mom-ish (like making your own vitamin gummies for example ;-)…like a pile of that laundry maybe? 😉
3. I personally get way too overwhemed with the e-course/cookbooks/etc. There are just SOOO many!! I find simple articles and pinterest-able stuff way easier to organize for actual use. The e-courses and cookbooks just sit, downloaded somewhere on my computer, never to be seen again! (my fault, not yours, but just saying)…this is why I bought your “real” cookbook!! I can actually have it in my kitchen and USE it! yay! 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing so openly!! It really, really encourages me!!!!!

Girl, I totally feel you! and I sympathize 🙁

But you are not alone in that respect… that kind of BS goes on in every “circle”, every “community”, every group of “like individuals”, whether the folks do or don’t know each other! It’s worse when they are friendly to your face, and when you turn around they copy every. thing. you. do. and act as if it is their own and they thought of it first. EVERY community has these. It is totally INFURIATING.

They often appear when something is the “hot” thing… they figure out how to use it to their advantage to make a buck, undercut, and they’re fly-by-night. Good thing is that they usually don’t last long… bad thing is… well, a lot. But those kind of folks will always be there, they never go away. If it ain’t one person, it’s another.

You can’t let them get to you and get you down.

BECAUSE, the REST OF THE COMMUNITY knows who’s fake, who’s a sellout, who’s a poser, AND WHO IS THE REAL DEAL. It’s obvious to those that are paying attention. The brand-newbies might not immediately know, but it doesn’t take long to figure out once ya’ start paying attention.

The TRUE ARTISTS, the GENUINE, the FOR REAL FOLKS… persist. They are in the game for the LONG HAUL. They’re not in it to be famous, rich, or whatever. They’re not ‘fly-by-night’ like these others often are. They’re not in it for anything other than they have a personal calling that won’t let them sleep if they don’t follow their heart. They’re incomplete without their art. Lost, if you will, and sad.

Wellness Mama is your ART.
The VISION is YOURS.
The community is a by-product that formed around your art.
Did Dali, Warhol, or Frida Kahlo ask for permission?
Neither do you.
You don’t need to check in with your community, although you can certainly share your feelings like you did in this blog!

My 2c for what it’s worth:
Go for it. Advertise. I think you already know in your heart where the line is between what’s OK and what’s not OK. Trust yourself. I think you work damn hard and deserve to make money off of your amazing and brilliant website. Furthermore… IT’S OK TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF YOUR ART. IT MAKES CONTINUING WELLNESS MAMA POSSIBLE. (which absolutely NEEDS to happen)

For the rest of your questions … follow your heart. It will not lead you astray. You will not lead us astray. Wellness Mama is your ART. it is your SOUL. your HEART. your PASSION! Without personally knowing you, it’s nonetheless obvious that you are not going to short-change yourself as a person, Wellness Mama, or the WM community.

My husband chimed in and said “it’s easier to cultivate the positive, than discourage what you don’t want.”

One last thing… have you ever read/done “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron?
It takes 12 weeks to get thru the 12 chapters. If it’s at all possible (and I know you have a busy life), you should consider it. Even if you do it at a slower pace, the exercises are INVALUABLE. I think it will help you silence the static/interference and reveal answers that are already present within yourself.

Katie — You are making all the right moves! Thank you for all you do for us, your readers. Your dedication, intelligence, thoroughness and honesty shine through every post.

Answers: Don’t advertise. Don’t even do guest posts or sponsored posts. Make money with your ebooks, seminars, podcasts. Can you sell a line of natural body care or cleaning products? Put your name on them and pay someone to manage that spin off-business?

As for the other two questions: you’ll have to find a comfortable middle ground between sharing yourself and being an inspiration. Many of us follow your example, thinking, if she can do it, I can do it. We know you’re not perfect, but we don’t need to be reminded of it too often.

PS. Don’t assume all your readers are young mothers. My children are adults with their own children, and I read all your posts and use your advice for myself.

You’re not “selling out” if you’re recommending/promoting things that you yourself would or do use.
The uncensored you is great, more “real” and therefore you’re representing a more attainable goal to others.
I like books in any form for learning, but all your little snippets of information are things I enjoy reading. Some get filed away in my mind, some written down, and from some, I make shopping lists or ‘to do’ lists to make more progress on becoming healthier.
Great Blog, you’re doing great!

Well said, Wellness Mama! I love this blog and, although this is my very first comment, read it regularly. I also use it as a resource – sort of my first line of research on so many things. Advertise as much as you need to, your content is amazing and engaging and you are one of the few bloggers I actually click through Amazon links to check out products when they are posted. 🙂

Wow. All these amazing comments. I didn’t read them all but I agree with the ones I’ve read. First of all, I’ve been a regular reader of Wellness Mama for at least two years now. I think I found your blog when I was online googling and desperate for answers for my all of a sudden facial Rosacea outbreak and crazy bad acne. I learned about so much nutrition and health wise from your blog and still use your blog to search for any new issue I’m having or recipe or whatever. I’m 37 and pregnant with my first baby. I even followed your fertility ‘recipe’ on things to do increase fertility. Typical ‘negative thinking’ me always told my husband that it’s gonna take forever for me to get pregnant because I’m 37, blah blah blah. First month we ‘tried’ to get pregnant I actually got pregnant. I don’t know if it would’ve happened that fast or not if I never read your fertility advice but either way, you inspired me to take fish oil pills, make bone broth (which I rarely do because I’m do freakin lazy) , spray magnesium oil on my body every day, take Prenatals, probiotics, raspberry lead tea, etc etc. I think if my husband hears the words ‘wellness mama’ anymore he wants to kill me because I’m obsessed with everything I learn from you. When I want to piss him off I spray magnesium oil on him because he hates it and says it makes him itch too much. Lol. ANYWAY, please keep posting and everytime you recommend products include the affiliate link!!! You deserve to be paid for your hard work. I definitely don’t make the soaps or anything that requires a ton if ingredients because I’m just too impatient and would rather buy at the store but I’m always amazed how you find the time to do so much. Here’s a little tip that I enjoy when I read other blogs. I like when the blogger is honest and says “you know what readers, I’m tired and need a break today so I won’t be posting” or ” hey, here’s a great recipe from the past for you to try because for the next few days, I’m spending time with my and I’ll share about it when I’m back”. I like truthful honest posts like that. We all have crappy days and we all have lazy days and we don’t need to feel bad for it. Keep up the amazing work. You are such a gift to so many people and please don’t forget that !!! Lots of love and appreciation. Xo!!!!!